Now That's Disappointment!
Google has been in my bad books lately. First, it tried to drive me closer to the brink of insanity by turning off my comments, and deleting a post here and there in my old Blogger blog. Then, the Powers That Be decided to disable my Ad Sense account.* What a blow! There would be no more playing of my favorite game: What Hilarious So-Called Contextually-Relevant Ads Will Appear Next On My Blog?
How dare they screw with my mind and then make me feel like a common criminal? I was done with Google! Or so I thought.
And then I discovered a new game.
All the cool kids were playing it. And I finally figured out how to play too. (It took me a while, since I've never been cool.)
Yes, dear friends, I will now share with you my favorite Google Searches that brought unintended and unfortunate visitors to my blog.
1. "i really Lost now"- Yes, I'd say you are. Who would type this into a search box, anyway?
2. "cute mommy awards"- Did someone give me an award for being a cute mommy? They must have forgotten to tell me.
3. "caffeinated mommies"- Hey, wait a second. Maybe this person was searching for me?
4. "BEN 10 TOY"- Nothing screams Am I Going Mad or Am I Just A Mommy? like this attractive fella, wouldn't you say?:
Actually, I do look a bit like this before I've had my coffee. Damn! Now someone might confiscate my cute mommy award!
5. "Gorgeous Mommy Madison"- How flattering! Only my name's not Madison.
6. "mommy have to change your stinky diaper"- Am I the only one who is creeped out by this? I'm glad I removed most of the pictures of my children. Of course, it could be completely innocent....Yeah, I don't think so either.
And the winner of Mood Swinging Mommy's most unique search term....Drum roll, please!
Imagine the disappointment of this searcher! He was very specific in telling Google exactly what he wanted. What does Google give him? A humorous account of my trip to the gynecologist. Now, I'm fond of this post myself, but methinks this was not what he had in mind. (For the record, I'm aware that I used the pronoun He. I stand by it.)
So where am I going with all of this? Well, all of this amusement has left Mood Swinging Mommy with the feeling that she was too harsh with Google. In the spirit of reconciliation, I drafted this little letter. What do you think? As always, I am open to suggestions.
Dearest Google,
How can I stay angry with you?
I owe you a big thank you for creating such a reliable, and yet unreliable search engine. You've brightened my day, and that of many other bloggers. Where once you used to piss me off, now you almost make me pee my pants with laughter. Thank you for all that you do.
Keep up the good (or is it bad?) work!
Fondly,
Mood Swinging Mommy
PS: Just to clarify, that's mood swinging mommy, not swinging mommy. We wouldn't want to mislead some poor pervert out there. Thanks.)
* I may not be cool, but apparently Google thinks I'm really bad news. You'd do well not to cross me. It's all Super Dad's fault. I'm afraid he was a little overzealous in his use of my blog's Google Search box. I get the "don't click on your own ads" rule, but why can't he use my search box if he need to search for something? Silly Google!
rlfmao! Those are some great search terms. I always wonder how Google, in it's infinite wisdom, decides what to pull up. I'm just assuming now that you have never posted about rectal exams? or nurses toys?
Too freaking funny.
Posted by: Paige | June 13, 2007 at 02:15 PM
Those are hilarious!
Posted by: Jennifer | June 13, 2007 at 03:48 PM
totally hilarious. Yes, Google Analytics can bring much joy into your life.
Posted by: AbsolutelyBananas | June 13, 2007 at 04:35 PM
So cool to know how people found you. Does you site meter tell you? As you can probably tell I am completely techno-savy.
If people were reading me it would be nice to know how they found me....hee hee!
Posted by: Karen Forest | June 13, 2007 at 05:01 PM
Apparently along with being so educated about technology, I even have stellar grammar. You probably gathered that I meant, "Does your site meter tell you?" Sorry.
Posted by: Karen Forest | June 13, 2007 at 05:02 PM
Ha ha ha! Gotta love google searches!
Posted by: Shauna | June 13, 2007 at 06:09 PM
How you do dat??
Posted by: Lindyloo | June 13, 2007 at 06:12 PM
I still don't have a single funny reference from Google.
I do not feel awesome.
Posted by: moosh in indy. | June 13, 2007 at 07:57 PM
My newest:
What if my toddler tilts his head to the side
Okay.
My old favorites that I tell everyone:
Does Beyonce own any books? and Does Beyonce have an std?
If it weren't for SiteMeter, I think I'd get more done around here. Hmmm, I should Google that and see what I get.
Posted by: Megan (Velveteen Mind) | June 13, 2007 at 08:31 PM
That last one takes the cake...too funny!!!
Posted by: EE | June 14, 2007 at 01:17 AM
Oh my goodness. SO funny! I feel the same way that you do with blogger, and yet... here I am. Still. And I too get such a kick out of my adsense. But I'm SO jealous of your search words. Mine are SO BORING. No one finds me through fun ways! Yours were utterly hilarious.
Posted by: Brillig | June 14, 2007 at 01:55 PM
Too funny! Thanks for the laugh
Posted by: Courtney | June 19, 2007 at 03:19 PM